New Viruses Detected – Use Caution

Posted: April 1, 2014 in SBS 2011

Almost Gone!!!!!

By midnight, the virus outbreak will have ended, although experts are warning it may reoccur in another form in a year.  Enjoy this foolish day.

Late Breaking News!

Field reports indicate the effects of both viruses have started to disappear.  Exerts believe they will be  completely gone by midnight tonight.

New Computer Virus Detected Around Midnight

This virus represents a serious threat unlike any seen before.  Known as the 401-14 virus, it can infect a variety of devices:

All versions of Windows

  • All versions of Apple OS
  • Android
  • Linux
  • IBM Mainframes
  • And a few other OS included embedded ones

The first sign, apparently, that a device has become infected is that it runs significantly faster.  Even on a slow network connection, upload and download speeds increase by a factor of 10 or in some extreme cases over 100 times.

Once everything is running faster, which the virus has been programmed to detect, it begins its real work.  Watch for the following signs:

  • Security flaws are patched in Windows IE
  • Suspicious web sites are blocked automatically
  • Phishing and spam messages are sent automatically to your deleted folders
  • Programs that did not install properly, or would not run, are automatically re-installed to run

Some users with mixed OS devices, like those using Windows on desktops and laptops but also using Macs and iPads or Chrome books, have reported unexpected compatibility between programs and data on these devices.  This has prompted one well known security specialist, who wished to remain anonymous because of the work he does for government agencies, warned that if this virus spreads, it could do unprecedented damage to manufacturers and users alike.

As more information comes in from the field today, I will update this post.

New Human Virus Discovered 

If a massive viral outbreak for computing devices just discovered wasn’t scary enough, then consider an almost simultaneous announcement from the Center for Human Disease Control of a heretofore unknown strain of virus that infects humans.  Coming on the heels of the computer virus announcement, the Center has tentatively named this new virus the H-401-14 virus.

Doctors and scientists have so far only isolated a few but scattered outbreaks.  Hospitals and clinics have been altered to be on the lookout for the following symptoms:

  • Patients who suffered from severe depression and anxiety to milder forms of just being grumpy or unpleasant undergo a sudden personality change and are kind to strangers, jovial with those around them, and in some cases, break into song.
  • A more serious effect is that the virus can irreversibly destroy any signs of HIV, HEP-A/B/C, and antibacterial drug resistant pneumonia and tuberculous.
  • In one reported outbreak in the nation’s capital city, GOP and Democratic members of Congress were seen having dinner together (burgers on gluten-free bus with kale and chocolate organic shakes) and then retiring to work on legislation for immigration, tax reform, and income inequality.
  • In several states, outbreaks reportedly are linked to roll backs on re-redistricting.

Be careful about rumors that might prove to be so outrageous as to be unfounded.  For example, a possible mutation of this virus has been shown to limit contributions from wealthy corporations and individuals that have flourished since the Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United, but despite being a person, corporations are as yet unaffected by this virus.

We can only hope and pray that the worst effects, even if it becomes a pandemic, is that everyone will break into song.  But it will be a brave, new world.

In the meantime, enjoy your day and check back for updates.

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